leoniekroll fotografie » MY WORK | MY LIFE | MY ART.

  • My work | My life | My art.

    This is meant to be my journal. My personal platform. Random and for sure uncensored.
    My love for photography began at a young age and pursuing it as a career became a dream. Today, I am working hard to fulfill that dream.
    This blog is my very own story, documenting the struggles, the joys, the hopes and the flaws of my journey. It is also very personal at times, better be aware. :)
    I‘d be happy to take you along on that journey called life.

Numb. That is how I still feel at this time. Numb and empty. Exhausted. Still shocked although we all knew it was coming. I just didn’t expect it this soon.

At times I feel so grateful for the time I had with her. Grateful that she does not need to suffer any longer. Because it was pain. Most certainly for her but also for us. It hurted to see her that way, to feel so damn helpless.
At times I am angry. Angry that I cannot call her anymore. That I can’t hug her when I feel the need to. Angry for having my sister and BEST FRIEND taken away from me.

I firmly believe that everything happens for a reason. The fact that I can hardly call my wedding season a season this year turns out to be blessing. The few weddings I am doing this year will take up most of the energy I have. I will put my heart into them so there is no need to worry for my bridal couples.

When the doctors told us that we should prepare for the time when Pia decides to quit treatment, I thought it was a good thing I do not have many jobs this summer because it would allow me to take all the time I want and need to take care of my little sister. But everything went a lot faster than expected and now it turns out to be a good thing so I can take all the time I need to get through this. I do not need to worry that I might have to cancel jobs due to unexpected circumstances or because I might not be capable of getting them done. Because there hardly are any. And trust me, I am thankful for this. Because everything happens for a reason.

 

This is the very last photo of my sister(s) and me that I have on my phone. It was taken on Top of the Rock in New York City end of April this year. Boy, I can’t believe how much strength Pia must have built up for taking this trip!

Thank you for making it, Schwesterherz.

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  • 17. Juni 2013 - 21:10

    Marietta Rose - Liebe Leonie,

    ich bewundere Dich, dass Du Deine Gedanken und Gefühle zu “Papier” bringen kannst;
    glaube ich auch, dass es Dir vielleicht ein wenig hilft, Deinen unendlichen Kummer zu bewältigen.
    Viele Menschen reden sich etwas von der Seele, Du schreibst es; ebenso wie Pia Ihre Gedanken und Gefühle in den letzten Jahren nieder geschrieben hat.

    Auch ich habe, ebenso wie meine Töchter, sehr häufig Pia und auch Dich vor Augen; in kleinen Situationen des Alltags, die uns immer wieder an Pia und auch an Dich erinnern.

    Die Ohnmacht gegenüber diesem schlimmen Schicksal lässt uns alle nicht los. Doch erinnern wir uns an Pias frohes und ehrliches Lachen, zuletzt auf dem schönen Foto aus NY; so sehen wir hierin den positiven Lebensgeist, den sie uns sicherlich gebeten hat weiter zu leben.

    Wann immer Du magst, bin ich für Dich da und freue mich, von Dir zu hören.
    Sei lieb umarmt,
    Deine Marietta

i don’t feel like writing a huge recap on how great 2012 was. because it wasn’t. neither has 2011 been, nor 2010 and certainly not 2009.

i have been struggling. with business. and life. i thought moving to hamburg in 2010 would give me a thrill i much needed at that time. it didn’t really. i have to admit it was more of a running away type of thing. life keeps on pushing me back from time to time. with my little sister being seriously ill, it is hard for me to focus on other things. it is tough for me and i am not the one being sick and fighting for life. i cannot even imagine how hard it must be for her, i think no one can.

so, weeks ago i realized i cannot deal with it anymore. i reached out for help. so, for all those who think this post is too depressive, i am working on it. and i can’t wait to get back on track.

this post will not be a collection of my favorite moments in 2012. please, don’t get me wrong, i loved shooting every single job. but since i am behind with posting them, it makes no sense to me to do a ‘best of’.

besides many days i wished i could just hide under my blanket, 2012 brought some joyful moments as well. i met incredible people, made new friends, felt much love from old friends, have been maid of honor for the first time, explored new places, started the process of rebranding, found out you better not speed in holland, finally hit instagram and much more.

i cannot wait to farewell 2012 and we will see what 2013 has in store for me. and to all of you a happy new year and all the best!

 

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  • 13. Januar 2013 - 21:05

    Nadia - Leonie – Tausend DANK für diesen schönen, ehrlichen Post!!!! Ich wünsche dir dass 2013 viele deiner Sehnsüchte erfüllt, dass du den Weg findest , der dich glücklich macht, dass es Pia besser geht und ihr viel Zeit miteinander genießen könnt. Ich freu mich, deinen Weg zu verfolgen und zu sehen, wo er dich hinführt. Die Schwierigkeiten die du hast, sind auch Chancen. Lass dich nicht unterbuttern – es kommen ganz sicher wieder gute Phasen und Glücksgefühle! Bis dahin – genieße jeden Moment, auch die scheinbar dunklen. You know, shadow proofs the sunlight!
    Ganz viel Liebe schick ich dir !!! *hugs*

  • 26. Februar 2013 - 18:06

    Anja - Liebe Leonie,

    was für schöne, ehrliche Zeilen. Vielleicht muss man sich manchmal im Bett verstecken, um dann ausgeruht und geheilt wieder an Land zu gehen. Auch von mir unbekannterweise alles Liebe für Dich ♡ Anja

one thing i love about shooting weddings is making friends. and in this case, both old and new. i used to work at miner’s coffee with the bride, the maid of honor and the “makeup artist”. we lost touch over the years until sarah contacted me via facebook to book me as their wedding photographer. and i am so honored to have been part of this wedding weekend since it was really special. everything was contributed by family and friends, from the bride’s friend doing the bridal makeup to the candleholders that have been in the family’s hotel for years to the cupcakes made by another friend. this kind of love makes me truly happy.

sarah and christian actually met 14 years ago during a summer vacation but have “only” been together for two years. they imagined a relaxed wedding without a big fuss, a day to celebrate their love together with their friends and family. and that is exactly how it turned out. thank you, sarah and christian, for letting me be part of it. you and your family made me actually feel like being part of your family as well. i wish you all the best and enjoy that new camera! thank you again for making new old friends.

location: schloß tornow

brautkleid: jaap atelier

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  • 16. Oktober 2012 - 12:52

    Lilly - Wow, a blast from the past! Congratulations, Sarah! Beautiful pictures, Leonie.

  • 7. Januar 2013 - 10:37

    Hochzeit auf Schloss Tornow in einem Brautkleid von JAAP › JAAP - Atelier * der Blog - [...] Dieses Brautkleid aus reiner Seide und florentiner Spitze wurde exklusiv in unserem Atelier nach Maß gefertigt. Mit kleiner Schleppe (die auch beim Tanzen nicht stört), geschwungener Empirelinie und geknöpfter Rückenpartie war das Hochzeitskleid von Sarah eines unserer Highlights im Sommer letzten Jahres. Es hat uns wahnsinnig viel Spaß gemacht! Wunderbar fotografiert von leoniekroll-fotografie. [...]